So this is my first blog of all. I feel like blogs are supposed to be written in a specific way but I'm speaking straight from the source here so hopefully it isn't too bad. No mind involved because I honestly don't know what to think, no heart involved because I find it depressing. ANY advice would be much appreciated.

*Sigh*

So today I had school. What else is new? I go through each day and there is simply nothing to distinguish one from another. In fact, what day is today? Monday? It feels like a Monday. I call every bad day Monday and now I call this Monday Mourning.

I'm having troubles with my best friend and the problem comes in at, is he really my friend? I mean, this is really confusing and although I'd like all of my problems to be shallow and black and white, this one does not seem to be.

Its kind of difficult where to start. He's been my friend for about 3 years now.... He's been my "best" friend 'officially' for about a year. Only, I don't know.

Basically, today. One of his other friends, one he's known longer and I presume one he considers his best friend kind of came to him insisting that my friend Matt to choose either me or him.

Now this friend is one, who in my opinion, snubbed my friend Matt for others. They were once friends but they stopped talking after this person decided to ignore Matt in favor of others. Well, point is that he and my friend hadn't been as close for a while...about for a year. But its one of those things where I can pretty much tell that my Matt prefers the company of this other. I often times think that maybe Matt is only my friend because this other kid is never around. To me, it appears that whenever this kid comes around, I'm the one ignored by my so-called friend.

So whats the problem? This Matt doesn't sound like too great of a friend. Well... I guess things are never that simple. As far as I can tell, he's a very good friend in every other way. He's done just about everything for me, treating me almost as if I were his brother or responsibility. He treats me well most of the time. I was even delighted to get a cool Christmas gift and as far as I know I was the only one.

But with that said, how should I react when this other kid comes around. I don't really like this other kid. He's obnoxious and thinks without speaking but I've put up with him pretty well since he is the best friend of my friend.

I would also bring up the issue of debate. Here is where I made a hasty decision before... You see, in policy debate, each person has a partner. Matt and I were partners last year, very good too. But I thought that I had heard him and this other friend discussing becoming partners at my expense and quit. Now, according to Matt, they had never done such a thing which is a 'my bad' for Sam.

My friend Matt wants to be teammates with me now that I rejoined but to be honest I'm not sure if thats because he really wants to or because this other kid still cannot pronounce hegemony and is pretty stupid at times. These are Matt's words not mine, so no I'm not saying it out of spite. So he was going to leave the other guy for me, his original teammate. Yesterday the other guy said basically that Matt would have to choose to be either my friend or his.

Now, even I must keep in mind the feeling that I had when I thought I was cast to the side in favor of the other guy so in this case I am at least empathetic with Matt's friend. I mean its not a good feeling at all. I still think that it was rather childish that this other guy would make my friend choose between one or the other but I also worry that my friend will do just as the other guy wants and take to his favor.

It may seem petty to everyone else. If this is the type of friendship or teenage drama that sickens you, I'm sorry. I have very strong feelings for this friend though and he has been a better friend than me in a number of cases.

When I get upset, I would sometimes ignore him completely or act childishly or do things just to piss him off. He finally told me to stop and I realized how childish I was being but the last time I got upset it was over something similar, same parties involved. I think I may have been feeling a bit of jealousy during the last incident, which isn't good at all. But that is something I'v been working on, my maturity... What do I do about this problem though, how should I react? Or at least, how would you?